Dear Readers,The following essay was first published in my poetry fanzine Cops Hate Poetry in December 1987. When it first ran I received a lot of criticism for suggesting Santa Claus was a communist; I even received a letter from a fan/subscriber in Virginia who called me a fascist! In 1989, when I was attending Columbia College in Chicago, Illinois and worked on the college newspaper, The Columbia Chronicle, I had an uphill battle of trying to get this essay published. I fought tooth and nail with an editor by the name of Lance E. Cummings, who only wanted to give me three inches (that’s journalism jargon for three paragraphs) or nothing.
Cummings contended that he didn’t want any negative attitudes in the newspaper about such a supposed positive and sacred holiday like Christmas. With the help of a few other people like editor Mitch Hurst and newspaper advisor Don Gold, I was able to get the full nine yards, 15 inches to be exact. I was proud and happy! The only stipulation was I had to rewrite it to make it sound more positive than negative, which at first I balked at, but eventually softened up and rewrote it in its present-day form (that of which you see below). Lastly, when I was both a managing editor & columnist for a tiny farming community newspaper called The Fountain County Neighbor in Attica, Indiana, I republished it once more, again experiencing the same tooth and nail fight with publisher Bette Schmid. She relented and let me publish it. When it ran, I received an eight-page letter from a local townswoman who told me to take my opinion and shove it, which led me to believe, as I always did and do, that people in general cannot stand to hear the truth or perhaps other opinions when it comes to supposed sacred holidays like Christmas. It is with great hope, heart that you will read this essay with an open mind and understanding…
Christmas has become an uncontrollable disease. Let me explain how I arrived at this. For the past few weeks, on television, radio, newspapers and the Internet, we have all been reminded over and over again that Christmas is coming and we better be on our best behavior or Santa Claus won't bring us anything. If you don't celebrate Christmas, then it's not supposed to affect you, right?
Well, I thought that way up until three years ago, when I had the opportunity to "play" Santa Claus at a local mall near my home. My decision to do it was based on thinking that it would be a positive experience; however, I received more than I bargained for, once I started "being Santa Claus."
The questions I thought about constantly were, "What does Christmas mean to those who really celebrate it?" "Is it a time to be happy and joyous, or is a time to expect a new stereo system from your friends or relatives?"
Soon, I started to answer my own questions.
Commercialism has invaded the bloodstream of Christmas to a point where it's become sickening. Certain symbols are used at this time to warn us of the coming holiday, such as trees, bells, wreaths and jolly, old Saint Nick, better known as Santa Claus.
In my opinion, Santa Claus is the root of ALL Christmas evil.
For years, he has been pushed onto folks as a guy in a red suit (who's probably a communist) who brings toys and gifts to all whom have been naughty and nice. In a way, he is like a spy, like the CIA or FBI, who watches all of us, and if we disobey, it's curtains for us.
While playing Santa Claus, I went through child after child telling me what each wanted for Christmas, demanding that I bring them certain gifts/toys, via coaching from their parents, laughing constantly as their child sat upon my knees. Some of their demands included: "Santa, I WANT a Rambo...," "BRING me a computer...," "I WANT a Barbie...," "BRING me a Tonka Truck...," and "Santa, I WANT a bicycle..."
Perhaps the cruelest acts the parents forced upon their children was to get them to take photographs with Santa Claus (me), so the parents could have an everlasting memory of their child coming to see him. They bribed their children with food, promises of gifts or just told them that Santa Claus would skip their home if they refused.
There were also children who didn't celebrate Christmas, who sat on my lap and told me what they wanted for Christmas, while their parents looked on with what appeared to be guilt-ridden faces. One instance included a young Jewish boy, with a skullcap upon his head and Jewish star around his neck, telling me what he wanted for Christmas.
Now don't get me wrong, I think that Christmas is a wonderful time of the year, but unfortunately it's at the level of terminal illness, with no turning back. The happiness that goes with it is phony, because I think the only reason folks are happy is because they know they will be getting a gift, no matter how they acted throughout the entire year.
Let's face it, Christmas is fake.
It's lost its traditional values and nobody really cares anymore, because now it's a tradition to be phony once a year. There was one exception, however. One child of the many children who sat on my lap told me, "Santa, the reason I like this time of year so much, is because we celebrate the birth of our savior Jesus Christ."
Whoopee.
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