“…I don't give a fuck about the FBI, I don't give a fuck about the CIA, I don't give a fuck about LSD, I don't give a fuck about anything, I don't care what you want me to say, I don't give a fuck about it anyway, I don't give a fuck about the whole damn thing, I don't give a fuck about every last thing, I don't care who you want me to be, I don't care what you want me to see…” The Butthole Surfers’ song Goofy’s Concern, from the album Independent Worm Saloon“I don't give a goddamn; I'm the President and the Commander-in-Chief. Stop throwing the Constitution in my face, it's just a goddamned piece of paper…” 43rd U.S. President George Bush when confronted by his own Republican Party speaking on the renewal of the USA Patriot Act in the Oval Office, November, 2005.
I’ve heard more pro-FBI stories lately than I care to admit. It’s the FBI that makes up the life’s blood of crime-fighting heroes besides the regular cops making the rounds and oodles of their counterparts in between them.
Back in the good old days of radio, the FBI was portrayed as the good guys; the tough guys who could break through any gang, any wall and any crime-ridden operation with their knowledge, know-how and handling of the situation.
Yet as widespread as the FBI’s good reputation stretched, they’ve also had their lion’s share of bad too, in particular, as soon as J. Edgar Hoover passed away and the 21st Century came into the picture and shortly thereafter September 11, 2001, when it was realized that the FBI had good solid sourced information regarding Al-Qaeda, but failed to act upon it.
And of course as it is said…the rest is history. Talk about international internal fuck-ups! But the FBI paid dearly as all organizations do when they don’t do their job properly. Lots of shake-ups followed and I mean LOTS of shake-ups, but before I get too much off the track, they can be a pain in the tuchus, especially if they feel you have violated the law of the land and give you something to think about.
In other words, here are a few juicy stories to sink your eyes into, that up until now, only a few of my close personal friends have been privy to…
Funny thing about how United States policies are being fucked with by our own executive branch (government), even though we live by the U.S. Constitution which guarantees us a certain amount of inalienable rights as sovereign citizens of these 50 states.
Enter George Bush, the greatest brainless asshole if there ever was a fuck-up of a U.S. President in the history of the United States! But lo and behold, we get blessed with a president who not only disrespects the U.S. Constitution, but finds any way he can to bend and break the laws of the United States, which includes spying on his own citizens.
(1)---Enter the FBI. They’re already doing that on a whole other level. My good friend Lew has claimed the FBI’s been hunting him for years and has a file on him. Lew is livid about them!
Yet, even though both of us proved it to each other a little over a decade ago that there was no such file on Lew and there wasn’t after we both sent the needed paperwork off to Washington, D.C. as required by law, the only document that appeared in his file was a letter asking for his file. Yet, Lew still believes one exists elsewhere…
(2)---Then there’s the time that the FBI paid a visit to my pal Dlorah, after a passionate two hour discussion we had on Christmas Eve day, 2005 on my cell phone about the illegal war being conducted by Bush. It was my suggestion that Bush be Lincolned. Not in those exact words, but close enough.
Perhaps that’s one point the FBI took seriously, as one week later, while I was shopping for blank CD-Rs at Frye’s in Downers Grove with my good pal Mitch, I received a panicky phone call from Dlorah, who told me the FBI paid him a visit on Tuesday, December 27, 2005 and questioned him for at least one hour about me, asking him all sorts of stuff, including the inevitable question, “Is he wrapped tight?”
He wasn’t the only one who experienced troubles from them. My good pal Blog-19’s phone service went out for three days after we had spoken about the same subject.
So it seems to me the FBI’s been spying on me ever since. And I welcome the opportunity! They have as much access to me as they want through this blog space, my performances and any other viable means of communication they see fit.
Stranger still was at my last Chicago performance I did with Mykel Board at the near west-side coffeehouse Corduroy’s Espresso Spot in which there was an FBI agent present within our small audience. Though the coffee shop owner claims that she dated the agent and he was there exclusively there for Mykel, I really kind of have to scratch my head and wonder.
So why haven’t they raided my apartment, tapped my computer, picked me up and hauled me in for a little questioning session like you see in films, television shows and other countries that don’t believe in freedom of the press, just yet?
I suspect one of two things A): They know better than to mess with a tap-dancing throat-singing poet who would turn the tables on them if it were to happen and B): they have far better crimes to pursue than my views, I’m sure.
God, how I love America! God how I love hecklers! God how I love a new audience! And God help the FBI or any of their trained assassins or if some crackpot lays a hand on me!
2 comments:
Well, I'm sure they're bugging my phones. After you hang up, just wait a few seconds, the light comes back on and you can hear an audible click.
I guess Bush is just that paranoid that freedom of speech is just too scary for him to entertain.
and don't forget your appearence at the VFW hall. I'm sure they were thrilled about that!
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