It’s terribly bad to say this, despite what this particular cliché offers, yet sometimes you just don’t know who your friends are until the crucial moment arrives and the actions are laid bare for the entire world to see.It’s no secret that for the last several weeks I’ve been fighting on and off with Catfish Jeff, over mostly frivolous and often stupid reasons.
I always thought friends were friends and stayed tactful, even in the most crucial times of disagreement, but no! Catfish Jeff openly criticized me about everything, when it came to becoming his potential roommate.
What follows is a transcribed conversation I had with Catfish Jeff on the subject. This is sadly real. What will follow after his initial comments & my reactions will be my after-thoughts, if any are appropriate. I have changed the names to avoid scandal...kind of. But as openly harsh as Catfish Jeff is toward my blog and what I choose to post, secretly he does read it and thinks about it. Perhaps he'll write a rebuttal. He has already sent me spewing hateful email. Ah, stichomythia...
Sid Yiddish: Ummm, did your landlord ask you about me when I left?
Catfish Jeff: No I left when you were there why? You did tell him about all your stuff?
Sid Yiddish: Yep, I told him.
Catfish Jeff: And what did he say?
Sid Yiddish: He said the boxes below could be rearranged.
Catfish Jeff: But does he know just how much you have? And don’t say it’s as much as mine Cause it’s a lot more.
Sid Yiddish: LOL (laughing out loud) no, I told him I have a lot.
Catfish Jeff: I mean a lot more up to the ceiling more.
(That's a slight exaggeration)
Sid Yiddish: I mentioned all the furniture pieces and have you looked at your boxes lately? A lot of them are empty so? I don’t follow.
Catfish Jeff: At some point you probably need to let go of some stuff I know that’s hard for you, but you cant hold on to everything, unless you want to drag it all around till you die , I mean do you even know the sum total of all your stuff?
(Funny, that's what my second-to-last crazy landlady told me right before she forgot to take her medication and left for vacation in Brazil)
Sid Yiddish: I’m not going to get into a point-counterpoint with you
Catfish Jeff: and I put stuff in them when I move.
(Okay, I see. You carry emtpy boxes around with you and you react like a child when someone else actually needs the space)
Sid Yiddish: But they're empty.
Catfish Jeff: I don’t know if it’s a good idea for you to move here I don’t want to hurt your feelings but the energies can clash at times I may be a slob, but you...
Sid Yiddish: Well, that's what I asked you before. And if you're planning on insulting me, save it.
Catfish Jeff: I don’t leave food around all over the place.
(What does that have to do with anything?)
Sid Yiddish: you know, when I lived with roommates I was pretty clean, my own room was my room if you're going to insult me, don't and you believe I’m terrible, there are far worse people than me.
Catfish Jeff: I’m not I’m just saying it might not be a good idea for you to move here it's just an observation I’m trying not to make it a personal thing, I’m just saying you have your way of doing things and I have my way and they clash and you don’t have to get so defensive, that’s what I’m talking about.
(Okay, I've asked him over and over not to insult me, but he just doesn't bother to listen and does whatever he chooses to do and wonders why I get so defensive? Sheesh!)
Sid Yiddish: Hey, you get defensive on certain issues when I try to drive the point home, what's the difference? I know what space means.
Catfish Jeff: I’m just saying you have your ways of doing things and I have my ways and I don’t think they mix and I don’t think you want to listen to anything I'd have to say about it you think you know what’s best, but the best way friends can start to hate each other is if they move in together.
(Is this a domination factor? Are you telling me that you have to have a need to control me and the situation because I might be stronger than you, so in order for you to win, you have to tear me down?)
Sid Yiddish: Well, you're my friend not my parents. When I ask for an opinion, I’ll let you give it. I lived with friends for four and half years we made it thru and strangely enough...I hear otherwise.
Catfish Jeff: but you have to consider other peoples feelings you cant just do what you want you lived with others that were like you and they probably didn’t mind it , but I don't know. Like did you ever consider why you have mice? And they didn’t just "come" with the building.”
(Oh! The mice issue! Everyone loves to pick on me with that! I wonder if he forgot that when he helped me move boxes down to the storage space, those gigantic holes that were in a closet, making it easier for mice to get into? It's not me who is leading the mice here; it's my neighbors across the way, they love feeding stray animals and despite calling the city of Skokie on them several times, they still do it. So go on, blame me. It makes you feel good, doesn't it!)
Sid Yiddish: Wrong! They came to this building before I was here.
Catfish Jeff: My ex-girlfriend had roaches wherever she went, she blamed it on the buildings, but she left food and garbage all over the apartment it was disgusting.
(I bet you'll tell that story to your grandkids someday...)
Sid Yiddish: If your idea is to insult me, I suggest you quit while you're ahead, I know you're trying to tear me down and you enjoy doing that to me...I know my faults and I own up to them. What’s your excuse...and you've told me that story over and over and over and over again...I hear you, I hear you.
Catfish Jeff: Again you live the way you do and I live the way I do and I don’t think they work well together. I’m just saying it as I see it if you want to get all defensive that’s how it is I’m just saying it would be better for both of us if you didn’t do this.
(I see, so in order to get your point across, you have to insult me...)
Sid Yiddish: This is all about space. you think I’m encroaching on your territory. I didn't have this problem in the previous space. I live as I live: and you knock me every which way you can because you believe you have a point to make...Mona, a roommate of long ago did the same fucking thing to me and I lived with her, because we all have our quirks.
Catfish Jeff: No, actually I don’t want a bunch of smelly mouse encrusted furniture in the house and I don’t want to be around your weird energy. Frankly, I've told you this before, but you don’t want to hear me, you smell like mouse poop from living around it all this time , now I’m sorry to have to say that to you, but it's true.
(Funny, no one else ever tells me I smell like mouse poop. What have you been smoking?)
Sid Yiddish: My weird energy? Well, you don't have to smell me.
Catfish Jeff: I think you have a lot of great qualities, but, frankly, you have a lot of anger and energy that goes all over the place. Sometimes it's just exhausting to be with you. I don't know if I could live with that and again I don’t want some mouse funk in this house it's a lot easier to have a roommate that you don’t have to invest so much energy in it’s a hygiene issue; you wanna talk about it or you just want to be hurt?
(Okay, just going for the kill, aren't you? Well, whatever floats your boat. Weird energy? Perhaps you're mistaking intense personality for anger and agression. It wouldn't be the first time and it certainly won't be the last time either.)
Sid Yiddish: What the heck do you want from me?
Catfish Jeff: I just want you to reconsider moving here. Again you don’t have to get all defensive. You just want it, cause it’s cool.
(No, I wanted to move in because it's cheaper and we're friends and some friends can live together. Funny; you can be with me for several hours and you don't complain and you don't mind the rides in my car, so what's the problem? You never tell me what my weird energy is unless you're summing up situations that have nothing to do with anything. Afraid of closeness?)
Sid Yiddish: I think you should reconsider everything you just said.
Catfish Jeff: Why? Cause you'll get mad and walk away? Okay, if that's where you are.
Sid Yiddish: You have far more problems than me
Catfish Jeff: Always blaming others. Hey let your stuff go! I don’t live in a rummage sale and perhaps I do have problems and I d like to work on them, but I don’t think you being here will help. Frankly, a lot of times I want to leave here, but I don’t know where to go and the only reason I'm staying here is for the air conditioning right now.
(What a shallow soul you are! Did you ever stop and wonder that it's you who blames others for your own wicked mistakes? I didn't ask for all the troubles you have. Do you enjoy twisting the knife harder and deeper every chance you get? That remark about living in a rummage sale cracks me up! Yes, I have accumulated items over the years; that's what happens when you move from place to place to place and your parents move out-of-state. And that remark about me being here, is truly funny! You had your basket of problems long before you met me and you'll have them long after my demise. So, having said that, what the fuck are you talking about?)
Sid Yiddish: Frankly, you enjoy being bitter and twisted and painting other lives but you cant focus on anything else...you're a cruel man and I want you to apologize.
Catfish Jeff: Could be that’s why you don’t want to move here. I probably am but I don’t want to be really and enjoying misery is not something I do. I just don’t know how else to be really anything else? Cause I’m going to go what? What else do you wanna say? For what I told you how is I feel and if it hurts your feelings, I’m sorry, but that’s how I feel I didn’t hold back I’m not going to pretend that everything is ok why should I? I don’t want to lie in your filth...
Sid Yiddish: You're cruel and a true asshole...but that's okay, karma has a way of swinging itself back around when the one swinging the bat forgets to duck...you'll get yours...
What I find interesting in all of this is the criticism Catfish Jeff dishes out, but cannot swallow despite his own words. People with control issues and agendas are often frightening because they don’t have a grip of what reality is, so they have to create their own worlds, their own environments and when push comes to shove and they feel like shit, they will do their best to make everyone else in their party feel the same and then the next day, pretend like nothing ever happened, standing next to you all happy, shiny and smiling.
I call that Jekyll-Hyde persona. Folks like Catfish Jeff don’t know much about reality and act out a personality so severe, so destructive, it’s a wonder they can function properly and hold down real responsibilities, which include household chores and a full-time job.
They often criticize others & their lifestyle choices and will place their own fears upon them and twist it in their backs with a knife. They will take advantage of the weak and punish the strong and call them names, for it makes them feel secure and powerful, while personally attacking those they don’t agree with and outright deny any previous action they might have taken because they always have to be right and have to be in control 365 days of the year.
Medication, hospitalization and institutionalization is useless, for they all go back to their previous behavior patterns once they are released into society when pronounced “cured.”
For all the good they possess, the Jekyll-Hyde persona is anything but safe and with folks like Catfish Jeff, who needs enemas?
1 comment:
Mishegas Master
I am going to attempt not a “rebuttal” but rather a reply to your blog entry of August 2nd in lieu of “Catfish Jeff” doing so.
First, I would like to identify what appears to be a persecution complex, borderline psychotic, that leads to much projection of your own faults on to others. When one is simply asserting their own autonomy, their own view and space, you interpret it as a violation of your space. You seem unable to distinguish between yourself and another. Any criticism you receive is either imaginary or provoked to fulfill some abject desire. You are a psychological masochist of the most pathetic ilk. You derive perverse pleasure in taking advantage of the conscience of others and their guilt that someone as miserable as you exists. I will now turn to a detailed analysis of the situation in your blog.
To begin with, “Catfish” is simply trying to defuse a bad situation before it can develop. He recognizes living with you would be a bad idea. He does NOT insult you and tries to assert his view kindly and rationally. However, it is unacceptable to you that someone asserts control over HIS OR HER life. The attempt at control is on your behalf and not Catfish’s. You talk about being criticized “about everything” when nothing along those lines occurred at all. He kept his criticism simply to the issue at hand that he does not think it would be a good idea to live with you. You replied that his words had “nothing to do with anything” when the anything was making sure he never lived with you (which is a big “something.”) You pushed him until he fleshed out his reasons and then he still stuck with issues related to moving in. He did not insult you “about everything” and if he did he could write a very long book.
You say that Catfish is harsh towards your blog but yet secretly reads it. This double truth is actually accurate (unusual since you uttered it.) However, one reads your blog the same way one looks at road kill or the Jerry Springer show. It is good entertainment that is almost painful to read unless you have absolutely no concern for, in this case, the author of the blog. It is so self-damning and moronic with its spelling errors, bad grammar and grandiosity about the most meaningless ideas. So we read it every few months to mock you and laugh hysterically at your expense.
One major issue against moving in with Catfish seems to be the amount of storage space in the apartment in question. This issue is legitimate. Also valid is his statement that you need to condense your possessions from time to time. To imply he should clear out his empty boxes for you is asinine. We all need the boxes our things come in to pack them in when we move again. You are so obsessed with your issues you cannot recognize the most obvious rational truths that pertain to others. The only way this assertion can be deemed an insult is if one has breached the threshold of sanity. Throughout the reading of this blog entry, one wants to scream out WHY, why can this Mishegas Master not take a HINT?
At times you wonder how friends should treat one another. The question must be asked-is Mishegas Master able to have a friend considering that it would require recognizing the existence of another human being? It would require accepting that it is not an insult for a person not to want to always live for the Mishegas Master if ever.
Throughout the entire conversation that you transcribe, Catfish goes out of his way to be diplomatic in explaining why it would not be a good idea to live together. He doesn’t put the onus on you and just says you are both different and it may not work out. He merely objectively issues “observations,” and says that it is not a good idea for friends to move in together. But you insist on provoking insults to validate that you are alive. Your baseline paranoia affects all interactions with others to the point that it is not feasible for you to interact with other humans constructively. You should be kind to the mice in your apartment-they may be all you have in this world.
Catfish is justified in not wanting to live with you. For you to say, “there are worse people” in the world has nothing to do with the situation at hand. Catfish’s issues of your cleanliness and lack of room for all your junk, etc., are real issues. For you to say it is a “domination” or “control” issue demonstrates a total loss of contact with reality (unless it is you dominating or controlling.) In fact, if we applied your statements about Catfish and people in general to you it may explain you better than I could. Let us look at your final “afterthoughts” in your blog as a possible projection of characteristics about yourself. I have put in brackets [ ] my changes to invert your criticisms of others.
You say:
What I find interesting in all of this is the criticism [Mishegas Master] dishes out, but cannot swallow despite his own words. People with control issues and agendas are often frightening because they don’t have a grip of what reality is, so they have to create their own worlds, their own environments and when push comes to shove and they feel like shit, they will do their best to make everyone else in their party feel the same and then the next day, pretend like nothing ever happened, standing next to you all happy, shiny and smiling
I call that Jekyll-Hyde persona. Folks like [Mishegas Master] don’t know much about reality and act out a personality so severe, so destructive, it’s a wonder [he] can function properly and hold down real responsibilities, which include household chores and a full-time job.
[The Mishegas Master will] often criticize others & their lifestyle choices and will place [his] own fears upon them and twist it in their backs with a knife. [He] will take advantage of the weak and punish the strong and call them names, for it makes [him] feel secure and powerful, while personally attacking those [he doesn’t] agree with and outright deny any previous action [he] might have taken because [he] always [has] to be right and to be in control 365 days of the year.
“Medication, hospitalization and institutionalization is useless for [the Mishegas Master will] go back to [his] previous behavior patterns once [he is] released into society when pronounced “cured.”
I’ll leave it to the reader of your blog to see if your criticism is an inner critique. Your derangement increases throughout the blog if that is possible. Your pathological persecutory solipsistic grandiosity comes through time and again and one would hope the bad karma you reference would finally come kicking in your door once and for all so you will no longer be so blind. You speak about your “intense personality” where one sees only personality disorders. All evidence is lacking that, as you say, you “own up to your faults.” I feel sorry for Catfish Jeff. In fact, I feel very, very sorry for anyone who comes into contact with you at all. To call what you are “weird energy,” as Catfish did, was being very kind. I would have called it much, much worse. However, I know to do so would gratify you, so I shall not. Now I am going to go vomit as the consequence of having had you in my thoughts for a bit.
P.S.: Please note what a blog entry looks like when it has actually been proofread. Please take this process into account for your upcoming blogs.
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