In Trivial Pursuit: An Occupational Hazard>Act 5

It is early morning here on Devil’s Island. Many of the prisoners have yet to wake up, but some are already stirring, most obviously besides Mother-Hen Mary, is Broadcast Betty.

Broadcast Betty believes in what she does with such vigor, that she makes it a point to speak to almost everyone about their trivialities, primarily because she depends on it, just as an alcoholic depends on his daily consumption of alcohol.

It is that lone criminal trait that brought Betty to Devil's Island many, many moons ago, the criminal trait commonly known as gossip. Gossip is what makes Betty tick. You can see it in her eyes, as she passes anyone on Devil’s Island by, either glaring at them or peering into one’s cell or even by giving a new inmate “the once-over.”

Betty believes she is cool in approach however she is pathetic in the process. When I first arrived here at Devil’s Island as an inmate, she became a new friend to me almost immediately, wanting to know all about my quirks, trivialities & habits, asking me twice, so she could get a clearer picture & in time turn around later & broadcast it.

She told me early on that Old Black Devil & Groggleman were “an item,” as did Mother-Hen Mary, Toothless Tom & Zombie Zelda, who rivaled Broadcast Betty for a time in gossip traffic, until Zelda was found in her cell one morning, swinging (hanging). Some say it was suicide, while others maintained that Broadcast Betty paid someone to “off” her.

Another characteristic that makes Broadcast Betty so laughable is usually during prison lockdown, one will find her out of her cell, milling about hands on hips with a contorted stern look on her face, pretending to look important, meanwhile trying to pick up any sort of trivial details left behind.

At our particular cell, whenever Loud-Mouthed Lucy has had some sort of attack & the proper authorities have been called in, there’s Broadcast Betty standing around trying to look important.

And yes, Betty keeps lists, lists on everybody within the prison system, even those who have departed from Devil’s Island with or without warning. She would have made a great prison warden if she had only tried harder.

Her connection with the fraternal Goon Twins seems almost surreal, if not coincidental or ironic. She reports directly to Prison Captain Greg Goon, still everyone else calls him Groggleman Jr. for short.

Keeping up with the father-son tradition without prior notice, Broadcast Betty unknowingly & perhaps unwittingly, announced to the entire prison population that he is fathering an illegitimate child. Ah, like father, like son.

Betty is also very loyal to Pseudo-Prison Captain Gracie Goon, who of course runs to Groggleman when Gracie can’t have her way. It’s easier to diss Gracie than it is to respect her.

I myself, as well as others like the Pontificating Princess, Botox Frankenstein & The Thin Man, have all been targets of Broadcast Betty’s campaign of never-ending trivial pursuits. For Betty, it never gets any better than this.