Little is known about The Thin Man here on Devil’s Island, as he is about as mysterious as they come. He arrived on Devil’s Island one morning by way of summons from Old Black Devil herself who needed a new boy secretary. Seemed that Old Black Devil was always hiring new boy secretaries when she grew tired of them, much less no longer considered them eye-candy.The Thin Man is a handsome man. Perfect hair & teeth. Sparkling eyes. The kind of physique almost any female prisoner could swoon for. And most do. Loud-Mouthed Lucy usually leads the pack, hooting, hollering, whistling & shouting at him with almost jet engine noise level; “Hey good-lookin’! What’s cookin’?” The Thin Man upon seeing her and others doing that always waves and smiles broadly.
I had previously met The Thin Man much earlier on the outside when we worked at the Elvis Outfit Agency. His job there was primarily as coordinator and researcher of all possible Elvis Presley & Costello likenesses & qualities throughout the world. His Black Elvis Terrorist period was perhaps his most creative & brilliant of the day, always dressing in black outfits & singing like both Elvises.
After that, like most others who worked at the agency, he burnt out and joined up with the Gus Hall Red Sweater Society. Up until Devil’s Island, I hadn’t seen much of him, let alone heard from him. And that became the strangest thing; his experience at the agency seemed to transform him into a Dr. Jeckyl/Mr. Hyde persona. He didn’t seem to act upon any of it until he arrived at Devil’s Island.
Once he arrived at Devil’s Island something or somebody set him off. Something that was boiling inside of his soul and popped outta him like a plastic turkey thermometer that tells cooks everywhere that the turkey they’ve been cooking is done.
On Devil’s Island, however most of the Upper Prison Brass wouldn’t tolerate that kind of behavior, so off they sent him at great lengths, mind you, to straighten him out. Upper Prison Brass’ weapons of mass diversion were none other than Chicken George, The Abominable Snowwoman & Groggleman. And what a job they did on him, harassing, bullying & intimidating The Thin Man, so much so, that The Thin Man was sent away for nearly a month to the Devil’s Island Insane Asylum, located behind the prison infirmary.
As it turns out, I was the only person to visit The Thin Man during his time inside. He spoke to others via the telephone bolted to the wall of the insane asylum and told me several stories of long ago shattered prisoners laid to waste inside the asylum, but carefully coded them, for fear of being watched, recorded & bugged.
While The Thin Man was incarcerated, he developed Zimmerman’s Syndrome, in which one believes they are a mega superstar folk-singer. At least two major symptoms characteristic of Zimmerman’s Syndrome is the voice changes several octaves without warning & his voice can carry tunes longer than expected. As a result, The Thin Man carries a guitar given to him by asylum staff and a head-full of songs he developed and wrote while sitting endlessly inside the asylum.
No one bothers The Thin Man anymore, not even Chicken George, Groggleman or the Abominable Snowwoman who all, at one time or another berated him in front of other colleagues & prisoners.
They usually keep their distance & usually even further, when The Thin Man breaks out in song without warning, little ditties with lyrics like these: “Last night I had a crazy dream/Dreamt I was livin’ in Groggleman’s scary terrorist regime/My own heart felt like it was on the outside of my body kind-a limp & a-thumpin’/When I realized it was just Old Black Devil & Groggleman in the next room just-a-yellin’ and a-bumpin’…”
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