Hello Kitty Goes Home For Good

At my desk at work for months has sat a Hello Kitty wind-up calendar. Hello Kitty was a culture phenomenon that I stumbled upon by accident, just like many things in my humble life.

It all started around 1995, in San Francisco, when I was walking around with my friend Robin in Japantown & before we stopped into the local Denny’s, we waded through a local open air mall & looked around. Lots of kiosks with trinkets galore of one type or another. We kept walking along until I stepped into a shop that was selling Hello Kitty stuff.

I inquired about Hello Kitty & the man behind the counter told me that Hello Kitty was so very beloved in the hearts of many, many, many little girls all around the world. So after hearing that, I decided to buy myself a Hello Kitty white cotton tee shirt. When I returned to San Francisco the following year, I posed with a statue of Hello Kitty , that was passed around by my friends all across the world, via the internet. It was among my favorite shirts until early September, 1997, when due to a stress-related crisis, my right shoulder popped out of its socket & the emergency medical team had to cut the shirt I was wearing at the time off of me. Of course, I just happened to be wearing that one.

About a year later, I bought a replacement shirt, this time a gray cotton tee, which to this day I still wear from time to time, despite the tightness it creates upon my chest. When I first my funny pal Isabel online on June 18, 2000 & then later during the late summer in person in London, England, Hello Kitty was a great bonding tool for us, even though she didn’t know anything about her. So, to break the ice, I sent her a Hello Kitty hand-puppet. Isabel was intrigued, amused & most of all, hooked on everything Hello Kitty.

But it was in London, when my most memorable Hello Kitty experience occurred. I was sightseeing in the Soho district, when I passed by a gay pub with a dozen or so men standing around, drinking and talking. As I passed them by, all of a sudden they stopped what they were doing, looked at me, then at my Hello Kitty shirt & all of them, as if on cue, cooed to me in unison, “Ooooooooooooooooo, Hello Kitty!” and then laughed. I turned strawberry red as I continued walking past them.

Over the years, through friends mostly, I’ve received lots of Hello Kitty items, such as the Hello Kitty toothbrush from my number one social mechanic, Turtleneck, who didn’t want me to be brushing with a Barbie toothbrush (that’s another story for another time). Then Suzy Q bought me a Hello Kitty doormat in late 2002, for my new basement apartment, which my crazy landlady always insisted on washing it herself without asking me! I picked a few more Hello Kitty trinkets here & there, mostly stickers & wallpaper.

Sometime in 2003, my former musical partner & FBI-fearing friend Lew Brickhate sent to me in the mail a pink Hello Kitty bag, in which I house my cell phone & other accessories.


I think one of the oddest & perhaps saddest experiences I had with Hello Kitty was with my 2nd vocals teacher, Miss Lexlax. She always felt uneasy & freaked out while in my presence & even asked me one time, “What galaxy are you from?” she never could comprehend as to why a man would get into Hello Kitty to begin with. Neither could I, but marched onward.

Finally, I did disprove that strange theory as I did find a man with a Hello Kitty briefcase riding on the El in Chicago one night. My heart skipped a thousand beats & I smiled from ear to ear. In my most relationship with Evelyn, for a time when we talked online, she used to use a screen backdrop that featured Hello Kitty with falling hearts & she even bought a Hello Kitty purse.

My influence on her was apparently pretty strong, at least until the end. Keeping that in mind, I decided to take home the Hello Kitty wind-up calender & let it enjoy its proper surrounding, at home in my apartment, along with everything else. Upon my desk now, is an empty space where Hello Kitty used to standing front of the petrified potato chip, like a rider-less horse in a presidential funeral procession.

There’s also a sad face on Baby Papoose. The pink stress pig has turned sideways in protest, Howard the fossilized fish has turned diagonal, while Creuella the tarantula & Groggleman the scorpion have both curled up in a fetal position, hiding behind Howard. Who will they all talk to & get into orgies with when I go home tonight with their former playmate forever?