Va-Va-Voom Speeds Toward The West: An Occupational Hazard-Act 2

I'd first met Va-Va-Voom under the Old Black Devil regime, whence I first arrived for my first & only interrogation session onto Devil's Island. The mere fact that I knew another inmate in the facility, brought me into a better area of the prison. Not that my skills were lacking, they weren't, but as I stated I got in because I knew another inmate in Old Black Devil's network of slaves.

As I sat there with my pressed pin-stripe suit & matching black leather shiny patent shoes, I looked around inside Old Black Devil's office. Without warning, a rather large & rotund dark-skinned man stepped inside as Old Black Devil went running out, amid the chaos of another near prison riot. I asked the man if it was always this disorganized around here. The man shook his head & laughed like Barney Rubble and said, "It's always like this." This was the day I first met & would get to know Va-Va-Voom.

My first few months working on Devil's Island was anything but pleasant. The constant outbursts & suicides I witnessed before my very eyes, made me wonder if I had come to the right side of the prison or not. Va-Va-Voom was considered on of the model prisoners at that time among others back then. More appropriately put, he was a high-paid glorified slave to whatever Old Black Devil wanted him to do. His reward? Belittlement & harassment, which he gladly accepted. Apparently he knew no other way.

Over the next year or so, I watched Va-Va-Voom slowly sink from model prisoner to shit-worker, a commonality among the many prisoners jailed on Devil's Island. Can't please the Queen? Well, it's off you go into solitary confinement. Eventually, Va-Va-Voom was placed into the minimum security release program, the one I was in, basically which meant we weren't responsible for too much, just basic rules.

Va-Va-Voom & I didn't get along all that well, come to think of it at first. We had a lot of in-fighting & battles going back and forth, such is the case on Devil's Island. The greatest battle, however, came out of a purely innocent birthday rap song I had written for the late great Pops W. within the song, I had invoked something that mentioned all the prisoners, Va-Va-Voom included & it went like this; "Now Va-Va-Voom please stay out of my way, 'coz you always got something silly to say."

That provoked Va-Va-Voom into challenging me to a rap song battle, which I gladly accepted wholeheartedly. I gave him a few weeks to produce his song. Well, he kept at it, asking me if I had written mine & asked me to give him snatch samples of mine. So I did, only I gave him what he wanted & not the real stuff, as I waiting to lay it on him good & thick when the time came down to the actual match.

Pops W & Shabookie, another late-great shit-working prisoner who could belt out a good tune almost everyday, told me Va-Va-Voom might not have written his rap song & might just do it freestyle. I thought it might have been a little of both, as Pops W & Shabookie, later told me Va-Va-Voom was shitting bricks as the day for the match edged closer.


On the day of the match it was called off. In other words, Va-Va-Voom punked out. Later, I provided copies to both Pops W & Shabookie, who were delighted in what I had written. After that incident, we got along famously, always tossing barbs at each other, but it was routine now.

But then it was last spring when an incident occurred in the prison, that brought us together even closer, including another inmate in our sect, Miz Lou. It seemed that another inmate named Johnny Vegas was always getting ahead of others, making the workload seem like a breeze. What we discovered was he wasn't doing his work properly & we complained formally to our immediate prison captain, Josie Peppermint.

Shortly thereafter & mysteriously, Miz Lou was reassigned to another part of the prison system and much as we were all persistent about this issue, to this day, nothing has been done. Johnny Vegas was winning accolades from all of the top cops in the prison system, even winning the coveted title of model prison of the year. Va-Va-Voom & I knew otherwise. The other wardens & drill sergeants continued to stick it hard to Va-Va-Voom & boy did he know it!

They claimed he wasn't working hard enough or pulling his weight around the prison, all the usual gripes, "Oh how you're not like Johnny Vegas!" Josie Peppermint exclaimed.

Later on, he re-merited himself when he earned the Model Prisoner Of The Century Award, when he resurrected an inmate holiday party & coordinated all the events. He even asked me to provide the entertainment, but I kept turning him down flat many times, because I wanted to see him succeed on his own, which he did with flying colors. Yet Josie Peppermint was constantly at his heels, always rankling him, pushing & shoving him. How much could any one man take?

But now, Va-Va-Voom belongs to the ages. Just as Pops W, Shabookie, Captain Whackencracker, Dinosaur Jr. & Botox Frankenstein escaped, so goes Va-Va-Voom with two months left before freedom rings.

It is no coincidence that I didn't change the dates on all of my calendars here today in my prison cell, from April 26th to April 27th, as I am still mourning over the loss of Evelyn. It's been a bad few days. Let us hope the rest of the week shapes up into something salvageable.

Godspeed, Va-Va-Voom!

(You lucky bastard!)