New York Tales-Act 7>Post Trip Talk>The Finale Of New York Tales For The Moment-"I Can Do It Because I Can"

last saturday night, april 16, a few hours after my gig at the bowery poetry club on the bowery, i made my way back to my host's place, vegged there for an hour or so, then made my back out again to times square, where i figured i could go see the bright lights & have a little fun being a tourist, after all, what fun is it when you can't be a tourist in a city you don't live in?

so, after a while of standing out in the middle of times square, just gawking at everybody & everything, i decided to get a bite to eat before i went back out again, touring. i was pretty hungry too. hadn't eaten hardly anything since the night before, because i was too afraid to eat, for fear some sort of spicy extract would cripple my throat & that would just about squash my chances of being able to pull off any form of throat-singing, so i decided not to eat anything & just take in water & a little champagne & a little flan, that was available at the club, courtesy of the publisher of si senor.

so i looked around, finally asking a policeman of all people where might be a good place to eat. he suggested roxy's delicatessen, which he mentioned although slightly pricey, the food was good. so off i went to roxy's & had a good decent, yet pricy meal consisting of matzoh ball soup, the ball was as big as a baseball (no joke) & a hot corned beef sandwich, which come to think of it would sound good right about now.

so, while i sat at the table having the soup & writing postcards, i noticed two young men across from me. one was on a cellphone yapping & yammering, while the other one was just looking kind of starry-eyed. they were going on about meeting someone or friends, i suspect for an evening out at the theater or maybe an orgy back at their hotel. i'd be willing to bet on the latter.

the guy yammering & yapping was off on some tangent with the person on the other end, when finally their food came. they hadn't taken more than four bites off their plates, when the guy closest to me with the cellphone told the other fellow, that they had to go & screamed at the waiter for the check. the waiter came over, gave them the check he paid it, as the waiter gave them their change & took their plates away.

i was pretty shocked to say the least, as their plates were hardly touched. i wasn't the only one who was in awe, as the other hostess & waiters were just shaking their heads, remarking about all that good food going to waste. well, it got me to thinking...

for the past six years or so, about the length of time i've been paying off my saturn, i was barely living or working for that matter, eating whatever i could find. then i discovered food pantries & my life was set. i used to go to a few places, including the ark (kosher) in chicago & a couple of churches in the evanston area.

it wouldn't have been the first time i had to use food pantries, as back in 1994, i utilized them when i lived in indiana, during a fairly long stretch of unemployment. i have to admit, i felt very ashamed to go because i didn't think i was the type of person that was classified as such to use them. but the people at the pantries told me not to be ashamed, that even men in business suits show up, feeling the same way. still, i felt terrible & admitting it now to the world in this fashion gives me some relief, no pun intended.

i learned to eat all the foods i could never stand, like peas, canned fruits & ground turkey. i learned how to make what i call hobo stew, in which you get some basic meat & add lots of veggies with them, fry it up on the stove & viola! you have a great meal.

these last several years, i 've been trying wean myself off the idea of going to food pantries, so i did do half regular grocery store, half food pantry & that has worked for a while, but i always ended up back at the pantry. not my choice, but finances sapped me pretty hard, as well as the regular amount of bills i owed to everyone else.

it's only within the last few months i can say that my life of food pantries is nearly over & for that i am very relieved. i still feel ashamed, but i know the need is there & i can always go back when i have to. the current pantry that i use near my home, i have only gone there once every two weeks or so & that has regularly & dear old mom who i am for ever grateful to, both have held me together.

i should be in the clear by june, which at that time, i hope to give back what was given to me. the folks at the food pantry told me not to worry about it, but to quote that yapping & yammering fellow at the table next to me, who wasted about $60 in food, "i can do it because i can."

most importantly, because i want to!