New York Tales>Post Trip Talk-Act 3>What Kind Of Meat Is That?

as i write this story tonight, i am wearing what has become a most beloved & sentimental piece of clothing, cap, rather. i am of course speaking about my fish hat. years ago at a rummage sale at a church in evanston, illinois, i was trying on hats & of course i beat out someone who wanted a really nice stetson hat that was reasonably priced, but of course there was one problem, it didn't fit me. alas, the man who wanted the hat, got it & it fit him just perfectly. next to that hat was a fish cap, the front of the fish in the front, the middle part its fins atop the hat & in the back was its tail. the man said it seemed to go well with me. he was right. so, from that day forward, it became a part of me.

i wore the hat to readings, to work, on trips, on public transportation, basically everywhere. it became my lucky hat. now, that seems kind of silly, but it's true. some guys i know wear lucky socks & lucky boxers (underwear) to interviews & on dates & it supposedly gets them something...anyway, this hat became my good luck charm right away. people who i had rough dealings with in the past suddenly became nice to me. clerks were nicer to me. even bosses who treated me like garbage were all of a sudden, nice to me. even little kids would come up and kiss the hat, as if it were some holy object.

then i started to decorate it with pins of expression, mostly anti-war buttons & started to get the hat autographed. the first signature i received on the left fin, was that of parisian pianst jean-michael pilc, who asked me, "where did you get that hat?" that's been a regular question over the few years i've worn it. next, the golfer tom lehman, signed the right fin & told me how much he liked the hat. my former jazz vocals teacher jackie allen was the next person to sign it. she gave me her signature right below the fish's left eye & finally, legendary folkie arlo guthire signed the right side cap brim.

it's gotten sweaty & dirty over the years i've owned it & even a woman i dated last fall, told me i should frame the hat. that was her way of saying, don't wear it anymore. she liked mice anyway. so be it.

in 2002, i travelled via greyhound bus to the west coast & the southwest to visit friends & family & everytime something went wrong, like say a runaway bust in northern nebraska by four state troopers who had nothing better to do on a saturday evening, a bunch of guys sitting on the back of the bus, said, "let's blame it on the guy wearing the fish hat."

in airports, people stop & stare at my hat. homeland security people smirk or pull me out of line, all because i am wearing this hat, frisk me & check my bags thoroughly. i think that's called profiling. thankfully, nothing like that occurred this trip out. for some reason, it always happens in the state of arizona, where illegal aliens & extra-terrestials are prominent, & my parents & an ex-coworker of mine live there as well. could that mean something? well, maybe, but i'm going off on a tanget here...

i remember on saturday night, standing in the middle of times square, just staring at the sights, when eventually i decided to go and buy some trinkets for a friend at home who picked me up from the airport on sunday. so, i went into a shop that was selling the i love (heart) NY white cotton tee shirts, along with other shirts, when a man inside the shop stopped me.

he was thunderstruck by my hat, just in absolute awe of it. "what kind of meat is that?" he asked.
i told him it was a bass & then proceeded to give him a short history about the hat, explaining the autographs and other things about it.

he looked very quizzical & then said to me, "How much do you want for it?

i told him nothing. then he started giveing me dollar amounts, beginning at $50. i kept telling him, that i wasn't interested.

Then he said, "$500. that's my final offer."

i told him, "No, sorry, it's not for sale," walked over to pay for the shirt & some postcards at the end of the counter.

as i left the store, he looked truly disappointed that he wasn't getting my national treasure. but he was polite about the whole affair as i left his shop, wishing me a nice evening.

should i have sold my hat? nope. not ever, not for $50 or $500. this hat is me, my one link to true personal statements.

then again, if he had offered me $1,000, i might have taken the bait!