New York Tales>Act Two-Please Allow Me To Introduce Myself, My Name Is Charles Bernstein

please allow me to introduce myself, my name is charles bernstein. now, reading this blog, you already know that. but hearing the following story, you might not know what i really know. sounds confusing? it is! this upcoming si senor performance that i am part of in new york city this weekend (april 16, 2005) will be thrilling, if not exciting & fun to boot!

but my name, charles bernstein. confuses people, expect for me & those who know me, personally. some people believe i am another charles bernstein, the language poet or charles bernstein, the composer who scored all the nightmare on elm street films. it wouldn't be the first time that someone has confused me with them.

long ago, when i published my fanzine, cops hate poetry, i used to get letters from people who said they had performed with me. i knew it wasn't true. then, while finishing college during the late 1980s at columbia (in chicago), the language poet charles bernstein frequently performed in chicago a lot & i mean a lot. many of my schoolmates used to ask me if that was me. i told them no, but they didn't believe me. after a while i gave up trying to convince people who i was. i always knew who i was, but they didn't, thinking they did.

i experimented around with my name for a long time. i used my full name charles sidney bernstein, sid bernstein, charlie bernstein & charles s. bernstein, among other styles, both in print & performance. eventually, i decided to go back to my own name, the one my parents had christened me with, that of course being charles, as in charles bernstein.

just for the record, i was named after my father's aunt aka his father's sister: charles for celia & my mother's, father's mother: sidney for sophie. i always liked my name. but then there came the backlash from those who thought i was trying to make good on the other charles bernstein's name and suggested i change my name! change my name! that was nervy! then some suggested i use my middle initial, to which i responded, that charles bernstein's middle initial also began with the letter s. s as in samuel. so, eventually, when people asked me to change my name, i told them to go ask my parents. if my parents okay it, i will. no one has done it yet. besides, i doubt my parents would force me to change it. they seem to like it.

so goes it. in the late 1990s, i continued to receive a lot of mail from those who thought i was charles bernstein, the language poet. then in 1997, i published my chapbook, shortness of breath. sales were brisk, to say the least. i was pretty happy with that.

on thursday, january 7, 1999, an opportunity arose to meet the other charles bernstein, the language poet, who was giving a lecture & was also featured as an fellow at columbia in chicago. i decided to go, to listen to him, perhaps compare styles. well, i went. knowing what i know now, we are not alike in style. he's way more academic than i care to even be. my style is a bit more unpredictable, which in some regards can be a good way, indeed.

after the lecture, i waited my turn to speak to him, as his fans were all agaga over his latest effort. when i walked up to him, i introduced myself. i said, "charles, i am very pleased to meet you. i am also named charles bernstein." suddenly, the room seemed to stop, ever so briefly. the fact that both charles bernsteins were in the room, seemed to take people by surprise. in return, he said to me, "oh, i know who you are, i've heard a lot about you too," to which myself, him & a few other people laughed. i told him about some of my latest works, to which some of his followers exclaimed; "oh! so that was your chapbook!" i was happy that they took a chance on my work, even if i wasn't the man they thought i was.

with the advent of the internet, things seemed to get more complicated. charles bernstein the language poet has entries eveywhere. in order to find me, you have to go & look for specific things. yet, this push-me pull-you name game doesn't seem to want to stop & that's just find with me. i still get a lot of email asking me about books of mine (his), plus i get emails from people thinking i'm the composer too, which i am as well, but not him, meaning charles bernstein the film composer.

the only pitfalls i have with my name, is that at times when i have submitted my poetry to other publications, the editors fawn all over me. once, however, they find out who i am, when i tell them, eventually, that is, they treat me like an ordinary joe & for some reason or another, my poetry never seems to catch their drifts.

also, when i have written to other artists i admire, i write my name, charles bernstein, hoping they will just answer me normally, but alas they don't & they treat me like a star & breathe all over me, so-to-speak. you would think someone might get it after a while that the other charles bernstein, both for that matter would use their real names in their email addresses, while i always use the email address of sid_yiddish@hotmail.com as mine. but no, they seem to lack the intelligence to realize it. and when they realize it's not the charles bernstein, some of them get mad & resentful & treat me like dirt! even others when the the language poet comes to town implies that there is only real charles bernstein, haha. if only he knew! embarassment is lonely at the top.

about three years ago, 2002, when i performed at a coffeehouse in portland oregon, a few people showed up, thinking i was charles bernstein. well, now, by this time you all know what probably happened. when they found out i wasn't the one they had sought out, they left in a huff, hurling insults at me. then, on a return engagement for a sound poetry festival in portland oregon in 2004, the first cousin of charles bernstein's, contacted the organizer & asked him if he was was performing there, to which she confessed to him, she was also a writer & hated his guts. she was told it was another charles bernstein. and so the story goes. and what about all the lesser-known charles bernsteins? and all those with famous names? ask them about the troubles they've had!

well, i have a solution to all of this. why not just take the language poet charles bernstein of new york city & put him up against myself, the poet & prose poem writer charles bernstein of skokie (chicago), a match in other words, have an official panel of judges & let them call the contest? the winner would get to keep his name, while the loser would have to change his name. simple as that.

by the way, for all you nit-pickers out there, charles bernstein is related to charles bernstein. take that, put it in your pipe & smoke it!