The Death Of Fear And The Birth Of Sid Yiddish

Coming off of extreme highs and falling off into low lows is typical of an older me whenever I left behind my dreaded space that kept me alive day after day after day after day after day.

I don’t seem to make much money at my craft, which is my one true passion as a living, breathing artist, but what I have learned that in order to survive you have to live lean and learn to eat and nibble on what you can get by in order to get into the next corridor.

It made me unhappy that I constantly saw others making those connections so easily, while I sat idly by and struggled because I don’t have those same kind of networking skills.

I wasn't that great a schmoozer; I knew there were plenty of sacrifices to be made and often I made them with half & half results. I knew what my own personal struggles were, but I’d been doing this performance thing half-assed anyway for the past two decades without much happiness or fulfillment.

Yes there were accolades. Yes there was positive results, but compliments only stretched so far. I knew how I behaved before, during and after a performance and it’s the same way; true happiness…thrillsville; meeting new people, building up lasting relationships with venues, artists, other performers…it’s all in the mix and in the heat of the moment.

And you never wanted it to end ever, but you packed up and went home however long the distance was and you sat and waited for the next opportunity.

That was my biggest problem to date; how did you make the opportunities happen more frequently, I used to ask myself How did you go from struggling with whatever you were trying to attain to perfect achievement and be successful every single time, I wondered aloud?

There were one thousand guys out there all doing the same thing you were doing. All were trying to achieve their own individual success rates, yet only very few made it work and worked it well.

I didn’t have anyone to fall back onto. I had been going at this performance career for quite a long time now, my local bridges might have been burnt out back then, but who really knows for sure these days?

I never did feel good about my future in this lifetime…oh, it was really a combination of factors that made me feel that way, but I had to swallow it all whole…or did I?

The answer was a mystery to me, really it was.

Read into it what you care to. Comment how you wish. Criticize and destroy whatever part of me you see fit. Laugh at all my failures if that makes you feel much more of a man.

Fear is bloody. Fear is dead! Long live fear!

Watch those negatives turn into positives.

Watch the game change for the better.

Cry no longer, dear friend, cry no longer.

Sid Yiddish is here to stay.