There are chatters of all kinds who enter that chat-room; people looking for intelligent conversation; people interested in other people’s cultures, people looking to pry into other people’s lives (like Zisapunim & Gemini), people who behave like sheep looking for similar sheep to vegetate with.Then there are those who are looking for something a little extra; a little fun on the side, as in cyber-sex or a little extra-marital affair, something that the wife, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend or partner would never suspect you of doing online.
In this case, it being a Jewish chat-room, they come from all backgrounds, including; Modern Orthodox & Orthodox, Chassidic, Lubovich, Conservative, Reform, Renewal, Reconstructualist, Traditional, all branches of the tribe looking for the emotional love they aren’t receiving, period.
In that chat-room the popular conjecture that it’s mostly men that are on the prowl is just plain naïve; there are an awful lot of women that come in there, looking for a quick “pick-me-up” too. Having previously written an essay on August 6 of this year, see: http://themishegasmaster.blogspot.com/2005/08/i-was-jewish-female-impersonator.html I think it’s time reiterate all the tell-tale signs of potential cyber-sex.
For purposes of this blog-column, I’ll use the old-standby of what a male does to a female. Usually, after a female enters the room, a male will pm (private message) her within five seconds and say something like “Hi, how are you?”
They wait for them to respond and then immediately type ASL (Age, Sex & Location), then comes the old sweet-talk, something like; “What do you like to do for fun? Tell me a little something about yourself, etc,” the basics of a conversation that help break the ice for a male and usually the female will tell them things that are a bit too personal, because people in general can be way too trustworthy at times.
Once the conversation gets flowing to a smooth groove, that’s when the male moves in with the harder stuff, softening the female up with terms of endearment, using the words “honey,” “sweetheart,” “dear” and other such words. Slicksters like Les & Shammes use these words all of the time to appease women, for whatever reason still unknown to me, but I’m straying.
When a female chatter asks the male about him, he seems to suddenly freeze up and say, “Well, what do you want to know about me,” assuming he was going to break down all of her defenses so easily. Then the male chatter will ask the female what she looks like, i.e. measurements, what she’s wearing, how does she like to “do it,” etc. etc.
You can bet your bottom dollar that while the female is describing this to the male, he is happily drooling or his hand is down his pants, masturbating on her every word. And usually that’s still not enough as a male will broach the subject with suggesting they meet for a drink or meet somewhere in the city provided she lives in the same city he does; if she doesn’t, sometime the male will go entirely out of his way to offer his phone number so they can chat, meaning phone sex or offer to fly up to meet her.
It’s not uncommon in this chat-room or any other chat-room. Sadly, it’s a fact of life, that cyber-sex goes on everywhere you travel on the Internet. On the other hand, you just can’t lock-up the family computer just because it might happen.
Yes. There conditions are ripe for a chat-room like that, but it’s not the fault of your better half, it’s the fault of the chat-room monitors/owners for not looking out for these kinds of predators.
Sure I know it’s a great way to fuck up marriages and ruin relationships, I know a few couples that have met with those circumstances, still what does cybering do for a person anyway? It makes them feel good all over; it soothes their souls and makes them feel wanted and loved; it’s a great big safe online fantasy that can be done at home or an online café, but those who go beyond the fantasy stage as opposed to those who don’t, the numbers are staggering!
What can one do to prevent these self-styled perverts from taking advantage of you? Well, for starters, you have a right to be uninvolved. Tell them that you’re taken or you’re spoken for. Usually, the person will counter with “All I’m looking to do is talk, I have someone else too,” and that’s just a ruse, because the person is trying to engage in further chatter.
If that still doesn’t work, tell them good-bye. People do understand the word goodbye, whether they like to see it or not. If that still doesn’t work after they’ve cursed you out by calling you a “bitch” or something just as equally awful, threaten to report them to chat-room management. I promise you they will back off! No person wants a bad reputation. If that still doesn’t work, answer them in public, so other chatters can see what the person is doing and saying to you.
Other things you can do are to keep interrupting him/her, keep asking questions, do anything you can to throw them off, it will jolt a person so much that they will get mad and move on. In the meantime, you can report them to chat-room management. It’s up to management to act upon the reports. Sometimes they do and sometimes they just build up files, waiting for the right moment to strike back.
What you should also consider doing as well, is to not frequently visit that chat-room so much; spend time with loved ones, especially your spouse or better half. If the situation is bad, fix it. It takes two to compromise and it doesn’t happen overnight. Running away from the situation won’t help matters much either.
Everything has its time and place and yes, charity begins at home and not in a chat-room.
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