The MishegasMaster Presents: Holiday Dinners From His Past>Act One: Thanks-Giggling Dinner, 2002

Thanksgiving dinners have always been kind of awkward for me between eating with my family growing up MishegasMaster-style, the homes of friends & their relatives and girlfriends. Some years are better than others. Today’s act is one of those “other” years.

In 2002, I was invited, then dis-invited and then re-invited to my good friend Lew Brickhate’s sister’s home for Thanksgiving dinner. Lew’s sister, Dr. Birdie Katz is a vegetarian and a well-known animal communicator; yep that’s exactly what I wrote, an animal communicator who communicates with animals on personal level, but that’s another story for another time.

It was some weeks earlier during that same month when I had spoken to Lew’s mother, a self-declared Republican and a rabid fan of right-wing talk radio. Lew’s mother had at some point deemed her daughter’s professional career as crazy and pin-pointed her daughter as a goofball, so when I repeated her same sentiments, Lew’s mother turned right back around and told her daughter and as a result I was dis-invited.

It was Lew who then re-negotiated the invitation to her home, but I had to revoke and refrain virtually all of my beliefs even if I felt that her choice of occupation was a little oddball-ish, if not downright shady, but it was for one day only, so I’d live.

So finally, Thanksgiving Day rolled around and yet, I didn’t know what to expect of her going in with those rules. Besides her husband, Lew & his mother, she also invited over a friend of hers from New York and a Christian Scientist family from nearby. Dr. Katz also practices the religion. Christian Scientists are a bit backwards in thought; they believe that God heals all in sickness and health, not medicine, either standard or alternative.

I arrived there early with a chocolate layer cake. Lew had advised me to bring one, as his mother loves cake, an investment that proved to be true amusement for me later on, which made it all the more better and it felt like a television situational comedy.

Here you had an animal communicator with a Republican mother that worshipped radio hosts like Rush Limbaugh & Sean Hannity, plus an anti-establishment jobless musician son who claimed the FBI, the states of New Jersey & Illinois and the United States government was out to “get” him, a hen-pecked husband, a Hindu from the state of New York, me and a family of Christian Scientists, all sitting down to share a vegetarian Thanksgiving meal.

The replacement turkey, called a vegetarian “holiday roast” was made up of soy or tofu-based, full of nuts and seeds, with a terribly bad spicy sauce, which I am sure came with the roast just to give it some flavor. Also on the menu were sweet potatoes, green beans and various drinks.

Conversation was light on my end, considering that I was on a self-imposed lockdown of a politically-correct woman I was dealing with and I had to appease his mother as well. So, I didn’t try to say too much and instead, I chose to begin turning my attention to the Christian Scientist family. Every time one of them sneezed, wheezed, choked, hacked or coughed, they would recite a quick prayer to God. Suffice to say, I was pleasantly amused because almost everyone in the family sneezed or coughed every five minutes!

I didn’t eat much dinner, but I sure as hell dug into dessert, which turned out to be soy-based ice cream and glutton-free or soy-based pastries, with the exception of the cake I brought. Both Lew & his mother fought hard that afternoon in the kitchen and out, arguing over how many pieces each other had.

It was almost as if control was a running theme with Lew’s family. His sister used control for situational purposes and make everything in life seem like paradise, while his mother needed to control both children and take them far away from the wild wanton wickedness that had crept into their lives and made several attempts to steer them both to a righteous path, while Lew did everything he could to break away from both sets of controlling forces, his sister & his mother placed upon him, while making attempts to control other forces or people who mucked up his life from time-to-time.

Still hungry after the meal, both Lew & I decided to listen to our stomachs and retreated down to a local Denny’s restaurant. This year, Lew & I are going to a restaurant that takes pride in making its patrons happy, with real turkey meat, not fake turkey meat. Gone will be the control issues, the fighting over food and all that sassy political correctness that goes along with it…ain’t life wonderful, dear readers?

Happy Thanksgiving!!!