Often I’ve wondered about this, dear readers, perhaps you have too; why is it on a dating website that men or women don’t put up a photograph of themselves to represent their general looks along with the rest of their persona or ad? It still amazes me that there are folks in this world expecting to snag someone and yet don’t follow the website dating protocol and NOT post a photo.Perhaps they believe they don’t know how to; well, that’s simple enough to understand, which is why there are specific instructions for posting photographs. Maybe, they don’t have a photograph to post or how to scan a photo; well these days, most people take photographs to places like FedEx Kinko’s or Walgreen’s and can have photos scanned & get the data placed on a computer floppy or CD-Rom disk, it’s just that easy!
And maybe, it’s the other reason, still the excuse that is used by hundreds, if not thousands of people who frequent dating websites that posting their photo makes they feel ashamed of their looks either because they feel they are not photogenic enough or are overweight.
I seem to recall the first few weeks after I joined on particular dating website and wrote initial emails to potential women I wanted to date, the same burning question always came back in an email; “Do you have a picture?” When I said I didn’t, then the usual response came back, “Well, I won’t write until you post one so I can see whom I am talking to/what you look like.”
It does sound a bit judgmental, cruel and harsh doesn’t it? But I understand the logic. If you’re going to be potentially looking at a date, a future life together or something along those lines and you don’t know what the person looks like why bother with further or future correspondence? It’s pretty silly after all, if you’re spending the money for the service; you might as well post a photo.
So once I posted my photo, I got some responses, mostly like “Good luck” or “I’m taken” and other such read-between-the-lines excuses. Then after posting my photographs, I worked on my profile description, which took a couple of months to hem and hawn until I wrote down exactly what I wanted to say, which was something short, sweet & to the point.
But there are some folks in this world who spend hours re-inventing themselves in an advertisement, thinking they will snag a man or woman based on what they feel is “creativity.” If you haven’t got the stuff to make you irresistible or desirable, what’s the sense in faking it? Why settle for 2nd best when you can have top flight material with the right hook, but I’m straying a bit.
I did have a recent experience this past summer with a woman not wanting to post her photo for whatever reason in the world and it seemed to drag on for a month, until I decided to go out on a date with her, figuring the situation would never resolve itself. And I was right. For the all the reasons I suspected and otherwise imagined that this woman chose not to post her photo, I guessed correctly on the matter.
Email is a wonderful invention and can be quite useful at times. Luckily for me, I tend to save word documents for occasions just like this, so I’d like to present to you the actual emails I sent to this potential date, followed by her response and bits of commentary thrown in by me.
Mishegas Master: Meant to ask, do you have a photo handy? It's kind of nice to place a voice w/a picture.
Ruby: just wanted to drop you this note to say hello I have a printer, copier & scanner at home. Just don’t know how to scan something in. My girlfriend has promised she would teach me how to use it some time.
Mishegas Master: hmmm, I don't have a scanner either, so I went to FedEx Kinko’s and had them do it. It's cheap & easy. You can do it too :)
Ruby: I’m sorry but I don’t know how to scan a picture in the computer. Computer literate I’m not. Computers are not my thing. So you want a thumbnail sketch of what I look like. Well. Im about 5'1" rubenesque in stature. I have big brown eyes that are always smiling like me. My hair as of today is medium length sort of shaggy wispy. Its brown and auburn and a touch of gold like the sun. Not sure if this is a good enough visual but you seem creative. Use your imagination lololol.
(Already there seems to be a running theme about claiming to not knowing how to scan a photo, in fact this seems to be her mantra and oh yes, I almost forgot; isn’t saying the word rubenesque a little like saying the word negroesque?)
Mishegas Master: Send me a photo!
Ruby: Don’t have one to send you. I guess you are not really up to the challenge of an adventure. Too bad.
(Adventure? What kind of adventure is it that you cannot simply reveal yourself with a photograph, that is unless of course you’ve got something to hide!)
Mishegas Master: And I guess you're not up for the standard of sending of photos either, which is customary at any website dating services. It’s easy to bicker and barter back and forth, but in the end, if you can't send a photo, well....
Ruby: thought about what your last message and wanted to reply. You know it’s not that I can’t send you a picture. I probably could figure it out. It’s just that looks are not something that determines whether I want to be friends with someone. For me it’s more the whole package. I’ve dated some really handsome men, some body builders and then some really nerdy looking guys. You see the ones that I find I’m attracted to the most are the ones who know how to use words. Words and speech can evoke so many emotions it’s amazing. It wasn’t your picture that interested me (although you have a cute picture) it was what you said in your bio that I found attractive. It was our initial conversations that peaked my interest. Not the picture. I’m pretty new to this online dating thing not really my thing but everyone else I guess is doing it. Gone out with some nice guys but in the end if I can’t hold a conversation with that person, there is no mental stimulation it doesn’t matter how cute the guy or how good they may be in bed. If he can’t communicate what’s the point. So I guess to sum this all up you seem like a really interesting guy. Someone a person should get to know. But if not wanting to get to know someone is hinged on sending a picture then I’m not sure if that’s the type of person I want to befriend. So bottom line if you would enjoy chatting with me or getting to know me let me know. If the picture is the most important point well then you know my mind...
(Okay, let me get this straight; you base relationships on words and speech alone, right? So if someone says to you, “I like you, you look great” and invokes a lot of positive words in his conversations with you, you’ll notice him & let him sleep with you. But what if the guy doesn’t mean what he says and did it just to sleep with you? What then? Does that mean you’re just a sucker for words? If you like words so much, then I suggest you curl up with a dictionary and read it! You might find some true definitions to words you just don’t understand! You also say, “You know it’s not that I can’t send you a picture. I probably could figure it out…” Well, what’s stopping you? Beauty is only skin deep; words are words when used for manipulation purposes according to your personal manifesto if one were to truly read between the lines of all the words you say.)
There are bits in her online profile that is just way too priceless to pass up, let alone not make commentary on, so…
Under her profile part that includes a statement on past relationships, it reads: “You should always be yourself. You should never try to change someone into something he is not. Nor should you let him do the same. People are unique, filled with all kinds of quirks and funny inconsistencies. He or she should be loved for who they are and what they could become…”
(This doesn’t tell me anything and seems more like a run-of-the-mill runaround statement, saying in so many words that she doesn’t know what she wants, but she thinks she’ll look real good if she crams all those words together in a run-on sentence, thinking that she might look real intelligent by writing what she wrote.)
Under her profile part “about me,” it reads: “Life should be a journey full of adventure. I guess I’m looking for someone to explore it with. I’m looking for someone who can make me laugh. I love to laugh. You should be serious minded about your profession but laid back enough to enjoy a good bike ride or a good theatrical comedy. Religion is important so you should be spiritual. We all seem to work so hard and move so fast that I think we've forgotten how to have fun. So the challenge is this- to find someone who is funny, a little goofy, and active and full of life just like me..."
(Yes and there’s that word again: adventure! Someone who is terribly obsessed with words looking for an adventure and believes she is an adventure, yet she cannot bring anything to the table other than a fork, knife and spoon! The whole idea of digging in to eat has nothing to do with digging in the dignity of one’s whole self, you dig?)
And lastly, under her profile part that states, “I am looking for,” it reads: “The person I would like to meet should be funny, adventurous, serious minded about his profession. He should be active especially skiing, bike riding and hiking. He should enjoy sports, as well as music and theatre. He should be financially responsible I don’t mean necessarily a multimillionaire just someone who knows how to handle his finances. Most of all someone who can make me laugh…”
(What exactly is she saying? I haven’t the faintest idea, but there’s that word again, “adventurous.” She uses the word out-of-context again. Skiing? I didn’t realize she could ski, unless of course she meant being rolled down the hill like a gigantic snowball, which rubenesque people tend to look like. In the many telephone conversations I had with Ruby, she griped about one situation over and over and that was finances. She claimed to be upset to having to pay over $11,000 for a particular type of windows in her condo unit, yet could easily drop $1,400 for a three-day holiday excursion because the food was “so fabulous” and the experience was “so amazing.” If anyone should be concerned with being financially responsible it’s her and not the guy she chooses to be with, period!)
And oh yes, I believe she even asked me more than once if she would end up in my blog. Well, Ruby, guess what??? You’ve been blogged!!! Guess this is truly “your lucky day.”
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