In And Out Of Holes We Go: Oh To Have A Virgin…NOT!

“You say she's a virgin. I'm gonna be the first in. Her fellah's gonna kill me? Oh fucking will he.…” Dr. Jimmy, The Who

What is the real use of saving virginity for marriage, when it is so not trendy anyway? Seems to be quite fashionable all over the globe, spread out by an old wives’ tale that seems to imply that you’re not good enough for a man/woman if you are so an individual who has lost “IT.”

Ministers preach abstinence although with the way some priests are behaving these days, you kind of have to wonder. Still, teenage girls and boys take verbal & contractual vows, promising their parents they won’t take part in the “DIRTY DEED.”

Some religious people are like that too, although with as much as they preach the gospel, it certainly doesn’t always happen that way, even as some spread around that fictitious lie around about how the Virgin Mary was knocked up by God through artificial insemination, not a miracle as others would have you believe.

Hell! Young children begin asking their parents where they came from at an early age and parents make up something to fend their child off easily, hoping the answer will suffice for that given moment, meaning when the appropriate time arrives, that they won’t give them a silly answer like “the stork brought you” or “we found you in a rose petal.”

When did the act of making love become so wrong? In other countries other than the USA, it is accepted as the norm and is not treated as shameful, evil or otherwise bad like it is here.

Why do parents and societies insist that both sex and foreplay, (i.e. petting, touching and kissing) is so immoral? Animals do it in front of people all the time and they could seem to care less. Humans however, enjoy the guilt they carry regarding “IT.”

Making love is the most beautiful act shared between two people who like each other very much and want to show their appreciation for them. Why save yourself for marriage when it’s better to get a “feel for” or have a true “hands-on” experience with the act itself?

Virgins, both men and women tend to be uptight, they see the world through their selfish eyes only and do what they want to do; in other words, it’s either “my way or the highway.”

Sure after the “first time” some still behave like that, but the majority of people don’t. They become over-eager and want to do IT anyway, anyhow and anywhere they can just to improve upon their skills.

But then there are folks who have had a truly bad experience; take my friend Bill for example; Bill was in his late 20s when he lost his virginity. He was dating a woman one and a half times. The night their “event” occurred, everything fell apart. She yelled at him when he told her it was his first time and he wanted it to be special.

She felt like shit Bill said and told him that it wasn’t special for her, as it was extremely painful. Bill said he cried that night and he never forgave her when they broke up several months later.

What broke them up was the fact that he met a kinder and younger woman than her who was around his age, who told her about his experience. From what he said, his new girlfriend made sure that every time they “did it,” that the experience would be more enjoyable.

So the moral of the story, dear readers, is: What’s the point in saving yourself for one person, when in the long run, you might have more difficulties down the road of passion? Fucking isn’t so terrible; it’s the person who doesn’t fuck and saves themselves for the right person that will have major complications later.

If at first you don’t succeed; try, try again.

If not, try masturbation on for size; that can be a handful too.