Ah, the New Year! A New Year to fuck up so many people! A New Year to play so many pranks! A New Year to turn myself around and head off into a different direction, so many possibilities, so much time.I trust that most of you out in Blogger-land had a good couple of days, partying and thinking about all of those fun New Year’s resolutions you plan on keeping in 2006.
Now, how many you actually kept your New Year's resolutions intact without breaking a single one? Hands up, please!
How many of you promised to yourself or to others at your lavish or simple parties or get-togethers that…you’d lose weight…stop swearing in public…not watch TV…look at porn…not cheat on your significant other…spend more time with your children (if you have any) and friends…quit smoking or drinking…get out of debt…learn something new everyday…help out others…be kind to animals…get organized…stop talking to yourself…get a new job…not be so addicted to the Internet, especially chat-rooms and a whole host of other things you simply must do in order to get your house in order!
What’s that you say? You said you’ve broken every single one? And you’ve managed to do it all within the first few days? Why, that’s impossible, my dear readers! Impossible! Please don’t break the heart of your dear old friend, The MishegasMaster, why he’s here to help you get through those goals.
First and foremost, you should never make a promise you can’t keep! Yeah, I know what that sounds like, but it’s true. Making promises and then breaking them are big No-No’s in my eyes!
Try to set yourself some basic goals, with basic rules and basic happiness, the means to an end. Don’t try and push on yourself so hard that you’ll get frustrated, burn and crash all in one sitting!
Let’s look at some of those promises I listed above. I think my three biggest goals I need to work on are losing weight, not being addicted to the Internet & chat-rooms and getting organized! There are two other ones in that list, but for today’s purposes, I’ll choose to focus on these big three.
Losing weight has always been a problem for me, not that losing weight is all that hard, it isn’t, but keeping the weight off is another issue totally. I’ve had trouble with my weight ever since I was a teenager and let me tell you, it was no picnic being made fun of by my siblings, friends and even girlfriends who couldn’t understand what metabolism was and how it worked from family to family.
What can I say? I had trouble managing my food intake and no one ever really showed me the right and the wrong or the proper way to eat my food, but I changed all of that at age 16, when I joined a local group called TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly). They were based in
Next, I was placed into their elite squad, KOPS (Keep Off Pounds Sensibly), and to be a 16-year old boy, going on 17-years and to stay off of soda pop and junk food at that age, believe me was difficult! But I did it, with the help of my mom, The Arizona Babe, who also dieted (ugh! I disdain that word!) right alongside me.
I wasn’t into the exercise thing so much back then, but if you’re thinking about losing the weight, you might consider a basic fitness program like the YMCA.
They are relatively cheap and their equipment is as good as any other fancy gym like say Gold’s or Bally Fitness. If you can’t afford a membership, you might try their fee assistance program or consider a six-month membership. If none of these three strike your fancy, then you might want to try your local park district.
Working out is hard and difficult at times, but if you put your best efforts forward, you know you can do it. Sure, I slip every now and again, but once you fall off, you can always pick yourself up again and get back on the wagon and do it!
You can even set your own schedule like I do; I work out approximately twice a week, sometimes three if I have the time. Plus there are all sorts of little exercises you can perform when you’re at work or in between things like lunch or going home…walk a mile for a smile or something to that effect!
The Internet is a great resource for looking up the pros and cons of working out, as are public libraries that are filled with books to help you decide what might be a good plan to start with. Eating correctly helps too, it sort of balances out the mission and the goal of the situation as a whole.
Then there’s the question of organizing yourself, you know the old adage, “don’t put off tomorrow what you can accomplish today.” Keeping yourself organized is a tough job, especially if you have a dilemma like me, always putting your stuff everywhere, wherever you want and whenever you like you can find it just as quick.
Well, you might consider getting yourself some plastic storage boxes to put those extra plugs, cassettes, headphones and other electronic gadgets in. CD storage towers make excellent holders for blank CD jewel cases, in case you have a few hundred like me.
Milk crates are always good for storing CDs, as well as bookcases. Hangers are good for clothes, in case you keep yours in laundry baskets or on the floor, on tables or atop boxes when you don’t have time to stuff them back into your closet or otherwise.
And finally, my third resolution is not being so addicted to Internet chat-rooms, which of course is where I’m headed after I finish this essay! I believe some of us have this constant urge to be near people or to talk to them, companionship, like chimpanzees in cages all sitting cross-legged and playing banana strip-poker!
I’m kind of thankful that I don’t have the Internet at home right now, because I know if I did, I’d be wasting valuable time like most people do who feel they are lonely and must create imaginary lives with people they will never meet and if they do meet, they’re darned lucky to be meeting the person who behaves like a baboon online and is just as queer and strange in real life.
Chat-rooms are a lot like the workplace and big office parties; no one wants to be there other than to make a buck, take home the green or blue piece of paper mid-month and try to make contrived ha-ha little jokes, smile a bit, when you know inside you really don’t mean it and just want to go home, sit in your living room with a bag of potato chips and a glass of iced soda pop and chat to a couple of Bozos who are located, say iin Gainesville, Florida or Columbus, Ohio, who believe the world revolves around them and no one else, but I know I’m straying, but I do believe you get the point.
Do something valuable with your time like get yourself a book and read! Listen to the radio! Listen to music! Take a night-time neighborhood walk! Tell your lover, boyfriend, girlfriend, domestic partner or whomever is next to you that you love them and wouldn’t trade them for any doofus online!
Excuse me while I hug my pillow and pray for Beatrice.
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